


Head Above Water

by EricaLeClaire



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/F, Falling In Love, Heartbreak, Love, Love Confessions, Pain, Rescue, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-23 10:03:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23209735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EricaLeClaire/pseuds/EricaLeClaire
Summary: After months of not speaking to one another, Kara can still sense when Lena is in trouble. Inspired by the songs "Head Above Water" by Olive James and "Lost Without You" by Freya Ridings.
Relationships: Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor
Comments: 1
Kudos: 51





	Head Above Water

“Something’s wrong,” Kara said, sitting upright.

Alex checked her phone, her eyebrows furrowed, and said, “J’onn didn’t text me. Did you hear a car crash or something?” Kara shook her head. She didn’t know how to explain the panic she felt or where it came from. “Hey,” Alex said, reaching over to touch her sister’s arm. “You’re probably just a little shaken from seeing Lex last week. Nothing’s wrong. Let’s just watch the movie.” Kara closed her eyes. That wasn’t it, and she knew it. Alex slid a little closer to on the couch and put her arm around Kara. “Talk to me,” she said, her voice soft and tender.

“I don’t know what it is,” said Kara. “But something’s wrong. I have to go.”

“Kara,” said Alex as Kara stood and pulled her glasses off her face. “Kara,” she said again, a little louder, but Supergirl was already gone.

In the air, Kara scanned the city, flying between skyscrapers. She strained her ears, hoping for something to do to keep her mind off of Lena. It had been months since Lena had severed their friendship. Months since Kara had even seen her. Kara knew how badly her betrayal had hurt Lena, but she hoped beyond hope that Lena would still forgive her. As more time passed, that hope grew further away. A feeling bubbled up inside her–something like grief, something like heartbreak, something like darkness. The feeling was always there, though she did her best to suppress it by focusing on work and catching bad guys. Aside from the weekly Danvers sisters movie night, Kara never gave herself a break, never let the silence win. In the silence, the pain from losing Lena hit her like a knife, over and over and over.

Kara hadn’t let herself cry over Lena, not since a few times at the beginning. She could feel it coming now, though, same as the feeling that rose inside her and pressed on her heart. She flew blindly through her tears, on autopilot toward Lena’s penthouse, then paused in the shadow of a building a few blocks away. Just the distant sight of the familiar balcony brought a wave of anguish, stronger than ever. It didn’t matter how much she worked or how many people she put behind bars. She was drowning, and it was getting harder and harder to keep her head above water.

Kara flew a little closer to Lena’s building and realized that Lena was standing outside. The sight of her brought fresh tears. Even from a distance, Kara was struck by how beautiful she looked in the moonlight. She closed her eyes and hovered for a moment, allowing herself to imagine that they were still friends, best friends, and that in just a second, she would land on the balcony and Lena would embrace her, then they would go inside together and talk like they used to.

With a sigh, Kara opened her eyes and brushed the tears from her face. She couldn’t get much closer without risking being seen, and she didn’t want Lena to think she watched her on a regular basis–this was the first time. She had kept her promise. No contact.

Kara squinted. Something was wrong. She had been too distracted and her eyes had been too clouded with tears to notice before, but with rising panic, she realized Lena wasn’t just standing on her balcony, looking out over the city lights. Lena was balanced on the inch-thick edge just past the railing, her arms stretched to her side, gripping the railing tightly. A flutter of the wind, a relaxing of her grip, and Lena would fall.

“Lena!” Kara screamed and flew forward as fast as she could, not caring about her promise, not caring that Lena hated her. Lena could hate her tomorrow. Lena could hate her for the rest of her life, as long as Lena lived.

The brunette opened her eyes, startled to hear someone call her name. When she realized it was Kara, her eyes narrowed.

“What are you doing here?” Lena said spitefully. “I thought I told you to leave me alone.”

“I know I did,” said Kara. “And I promise I’ll go right back to doing that, but Lena, what are you doing standing on the edge? Please, let me help you back over.” Kara flew closer, about five feet from Lena. “Please, Lena,” she whispered. “Please, don’t jump.”

“Why do you even care?” said Lena with a sneer. “You made it very clear how little you actually care for me and how little stock you actually put in our friendship. Just leave me alone.” Her voice broke on the last word and she closed her eyes briefly, taking a shaky breath.

“Lena, you know I can’t do that,” said Kara, her voice gaining strength. “Talk to me.”

“I can’t,” said Lena, looking down toward the dark street, her grip slackening a little.

“Then pretend I’m someone else, anyone else,” said Kara, trying not to panic while inching closer and eyeing Lena’s hands. “Just tell me what’s going on.” She added, barely audibly, “Please.”

Lena hesitated, then said, “It won’t change anything between us.”

“I understand,” said Kara.

Lena took another shaky breath. “I can’t do this anymore,” she said. “I thought that without any friends, I would be better off. I could focus and not be distracted and I couldn’t get hurt again. But… But I’m not better off.”

A spark of hope blossomed in Kara’s chest. “Lena, I–”

“Just stop,” Lena said. “You never cared about me the way I cared about you. Never.”

“Lena, that’s not true. If you’d just let me–”

“No!” Lena screamed, tears blurring her vision. “You don’t get to just make it all okay by showing up here to save me and saying a few nice words. I’m not going to put myself in that position again just to end up being the one who gets burned, again.” She sobbed and swayed slightly as she let go of the railing with one hand to wipe her face. Instinctively, Kara flew forward, ready to catch her, then stopped as Lena grabbed the railing again.

For a minute, neither of them spoke. Then Lena said, “If you cared about me, you would have told me who you really were. You would have trusted me. But you didn’t trust me. Which means you never really cared.” Kara didn’t dare say anything to further upset her, but her heart ached to tell her that of course she cared. More than cared.

Lena continued, “Why don’t you just fly on home to that sister of yours and have a good laugh about pathetic Lena Luthor, the girl who was never good enough for anyone?”

“We don’t think that about you,” Kara said, interrupting her.

“Just leave,” Lena said.

“I can’t,” Kara said.

“This is what you wanted, right?” Lena said. “For me to be out of your life? You never really cared anyway.”

“Is that really what you think?” Kara said, still very aware of Lena’s precarious foothold.

Lena’s shoulders sagged. “I don’t know anymore. At least that’s what I thought.” She inhaled deeply and looked Kara in the eye, then broke the contact. “I’m so tired,” she said finally. “I’m just so tired.”

“I know,” said Kara. “I am too. The truth is, I feel like I’m drowning without you.”

Lena looked up, surprised.

In the other woman’s silence, Kara continued, “I have never felt a deeper pain than the pain I feel without you. I understand if you can’t forgive me, because I understand that I hurt you. I understand that I broke you, and I wish with everything in me that I hadn’t. But I need you to know that I am lost without you. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can barely breathe.” Lena opened her mouth as if to speak, but Kara pressed on, “I don’t know how to say sorry in any new ways. So I can only say that I miss you. Lena, I…” Kara took a breath. “I love you.”

Several heavy seconds passed that held the whole world inside them. Kara didn’t breathe. She hadn’t told Lena how she truly felt when they were friends, but that was when she was afraid she would lose the friendship. Now she had nothing left to lose.

“You love me?” Lena finally asked, her voice betraying her hope and uncertainty.

“I have loved you since I have known you,” Kara said. With a wry smile, she added, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that sooner too.”

Lena’s hard eyes softened as she stared at Supergirl. She could feel her walls lowering, a little. In a quiet voice, she said, “Help me back over the edge?”

Kara nodded. Lena put her arms around Supergirl’s neck and allowed her to lift her from the ledge in a tight embrace. Kara could feel Lena crying, sobbing into her shoulder as they hovered high above the ground. For the first time in months, Kara felt the tight iron fist that had clutched her heart begin to loosen. They would talk later. They would work through the hurt later. For now, she just held her.


End file.
